I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize