chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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