just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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