Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
