I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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