I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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