I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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