there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
