i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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