i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
