The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
