She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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