i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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