I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I didn't notice because vodka
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
