I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Send help, water and tortillas.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
