and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
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Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
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