Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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