I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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