Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
