So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
