I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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