I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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