i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
