Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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