It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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