y did u give ur computer a hand job?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
either way he was missing a nipple.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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