Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
