Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Pants 0. Shit 1.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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