we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize