Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
