so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
