is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
