i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
