The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
