so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
