New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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