i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
