I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
