I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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