It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
