Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
