we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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