True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
