thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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