So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
