so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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