His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We were destined to go to rehab together
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
