I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
