I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
