last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it because I queefed?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
ok first of all what the fuck
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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