Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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