my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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