He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
