i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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