dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
