if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize