I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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