I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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