my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
