The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
