I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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