Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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