I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
