My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
