You're earring is so big in my mouth
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
