I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
