WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
