Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
