i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
