dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
