We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
