1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
