And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
