There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
