hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
