i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
