apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
