Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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