it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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