So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
