I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
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Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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