My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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